Norlos

Curious what y’all think of this. Hellx, do you feel a twinge of jealousy/an edge of fear/a cackle of delight?

Warning: Discussion not suitable for work.

The phrase “niubi” in Chinese means, as far as I can tell, alternately “cow vagina,” “badass” and “stuck up.” It’s fairly common to see people adopt variants of the word for their online name and to use the phrase and knockoffs on the Chinese Internet.

I’ve asked co-workers to explain, which makes for awkward office conversations. “It’s because it’s sooo big,” said one.

Eric Abrahamsen, in an old post, fills in many of my questions.

China is a nation of skinny people who don’t exercise. OK, that’s a vastly broad generalization. (Thanks, Kentucky Fried.) Still, people walk and bike here a lot more often than Americans, but the whole “I can get a run in” and going to the gym thing hasn’t really taken off.

Except for the morning calisthenics. Developed by Mao Zedong back when war with the West was inevitable and the entire population needed to be trained as a fighting force, the Chairman developed a morning regimen based on basic fitness and martial arts. It’s been tweaked over the years, but the tradition remains.

There’s a school right behind our temporary apartment. In the morning, as we prepare Marco’s bottle and banana-and-yogurt medley, we hear the “yi … er … san … si” — the one, two, three, four — of the morning workout.

By the way, we’re on the 25th floor, according to the door plate and the elevator buttons. But our building lacks a fourth floor, because the Chinese word for “four” sounds like the word for “death,” so it’s unlucky. Ditto 14th and 24th floors. Plus we’re missing the 13th floor, out of cultural sensitivity I guess. So it’s the 21st floor, right?

Edit: Here’s how to do it properly, comrade.

…but it turns out that Norlos.com is behind the Great Firewall. This is a 100% surprise to me. I tested the URL before we left on the Great Firewall Emulator and it seemed fine. Not entirely sure what the problem is, though it’s clear the authorities hate all blogs hosted outside the mainland. Maybe they can somehow detect WordPress-run blogs? In any case, it’s more proof that no one quite knows how the Great Firewall works.

What’s it like to be censored? It’s a little different from the days of that article. Just about every news site — New York Times, Wall Street Journal, BBC and CNN among them — is available, and an increasing number are out there in Chinese as well as English. The authorities come down on you selectively, usually reserving outright bans for something that really sets them off. If they’re annoyed, generally they complain before they do anything else.

Social media is a whole ‘nother matter. Banned sites include Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Vimeo, etc. Basically, any service that lets you get together with other people to share information or plan any kind of concerted action. The Chinese authorities don’t necessarily stop you from getting the news, but they want to prevent you from acting on it.

This presents problems in little ways. I roll out of bed at 6 am, generally with the little guy’s feet in my face (that’s a future post topic), and can check the world’s news with little problem. Some mornings, I barely notice. But if I want to share that news, then we have problems.

Generally this means I have filled my inferior smartphone (yet another future post) with snapshots of interesting things around town and video of little Kang Kang (still another future post) doing his usual cute toddler things, but few easy ways to share them with loved ones. I can attach a cable to my phone or do a Dropbox thing or whatever, but that’s more work than my lazy ass can stomach.

I can access all those sites at work, of course, but generally I’m too busy — and really, it’s sort of poor form — to spend work time on Facebook and Norlos.

So more on our lives in Beijing in the future, I promise. Meanwhile, hope y’all are well.

By the way, I’ve joined the Twitterverse in a professional sort of way, so I’ll be sharing links and witty quips out there at CRTejada.

Metro Vocal Group is four gweilos who sing a capella versions of Cantopop songs.

The company and I have been dithering over this idea for a year — the first time my boss mentioned the idea to me was the day before the Beast was born. “Can I go have my baby first, and think about it later?” I said.

But yeah, after I sort of nodded to the idea if the money worked out, and accountants did their thing, and the money worked out, I signed the papers. (It’s a tax thing — Hong Kong has a flat 16% tax rate, the mainland about 40% for hyperwealthy expats such as myself, meaning virtual pay cut.) We leave sometime in August.

My feelings are solidly mixed. On the positive, Beijing is a major source of the planet’s supply of kickass. It’s a place where you can explode the stomach. It has a serious art scene when the government’s not suppressing it. It has a thriving music scene. As much as I love Hong Kong, it’s a bit too much like Asia’s Dallas — all glass and money, no edge or soul.

It’s also a major opportunity to raise the Beast in a place where he can gain some serious life skills. In a couple of years he’ll be at the perfect age for learning languages, and Chinese could be his friend for life. Again, I love you dearly, sweaty Hong Kong, but none of my non-Chinese friends who grew up in your house speak a word of the local Canto. You’re too kind to English-only speakers.

Finally, we can have a pretty comfortable life there. You might think that with all the talk of a major Chinese property bubble that nice apartments are unaffordable. Fact is, we can snag a lot more apartment at a much smaller price than we can here in the Fragrant Harbor.

There are negatives. Per my post a year ago, this job I’m taking is the nonmanagement job. I’d be leaving a supervisory role and basically going rogue. This is a relief in the quality-of-life department but might not be the smartest move careerwise. We shall see, but putting China on the resume probably makes up for any damage from me basically demoting myself.

There’s Hong Kong. Sweaty and unsophisticated it may be, but we have a cool place and cool friends and a lot of emotional attachments. In many ways it will be tough to leave.

There’s also the political situation in Beijing. Since the Jasmine Revolution showed the world that people like to have a say in their government, the Chinese Communist Party has been a bit on the unfriendly side. The government doesn’t give a shit about what we do so long as we tread lightly on the Three Ts, but it’s still odd to live in a place where we’re not allowed to express ourselves politically.

And then there’s the pollution. It’s… well, better to show:

Beijing is the big ol' red splotch on the right.

Finally, there’s the lack of English. Beijing has made a concerted effort to be English-friendly, but the fact is that if our Internet goes down, or I need to find a bicycle pump, or just want to tell a taxi driver I want to go home, we will need some Chinese. Hong Kong is foreign-lite. Beijing is the real deal.

But hey, that’s the excitement of it. And we’re seriously excited. And of course if y’all want to see the Middle Kingdom you’re welcome to crash.

That‘s Neil D., and you know what that means. America — land of margarita shrimp fajita platters, bumper stickers and angry people with guns — we‘re coming to see you!

Dr. No lands in New York, spends a day recovering from a 16-hour flight with a baby, then heads to the great homeland of Kansas. I follow a week later, also spend a day in the city, then head to Kansas too.

We will be in Wichita area until July 6, when we head to Tucson and hang with more fam until the 10th, when we head back to new york.

I will be working in New York that week while Dr. No and Marco gallivant around town.

On the 16th we go to New Hampshire for a week, returning to New York on the 23rd and spending a few more days before heading back to Hong Kong.

If anybody’s around any those places in any of those times we would love to see you.

Saying hello all. The smog is lovely this time of year.

Two nights ago Dr. No vetoed my selection of this restaurant. Beijing is odd like this — our hotel, Hotel G, has a Eurotrash vibe and buttons that let us change the color of the room’s windows. Downstairs, this morning, there was a horse-drawn wagon out front collecting scrap.